Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Weight Loss Goal!

I would say I'm probably like a good majority of America... I have struggled with my weight for what I would say has been most of my life.  I was a chunky kid in middle school, thinned out a bit in high school and shortly thereafter and then started putting some weight back on as I approached my mid 20's. 

I am now nearing 30 (only 2 1/2 more years) and I'm not where I want to be, physically.  I also want so badly to be healthy and fit again.  Last year, James and I went on a health kick and both dropped a substantial amount of weight.  We then decided to try to have a baby and our healthy lifestyle was sort of put on the back burner.  I know there's no reason to not continue to be healthy, pregnant or not, hence my new goal of losing 30 pounds before James and I can start trying for a baby again.

I figured I'd post my goal here.  Maybe this will help hold me a little more accountable than if I just keep it to myself.  I figure that I have roughly 3 months before James and I can try to get pregnant again.  This means my goal will be 10 pounds per month or about 2 1/2 pounds per week.  I think this is something that is totally doable.  I don't feel that I'm being unrealistic with my goal either. 

I will be doing it the healthy way.  No cutting out certain foods.  No extreme measures.  Just healthy eating and exercising.  I intend to continue managing a healthy weight throughout my hopeful pregnancy too and then afterwards, drop some more weight to get back to my ideal body weight.

I came across a website today that I found inspirational and very useful.  I would encourage anyone else wanting to lose some weight to visit it too.  It is http://www.superskinnyme.com/.  They have multiple calculators you can use.  Calculators that will help you figure out your BMI or the number of calories you should intake, just to name a couple.  There are numerous articles that I enjoyed reading as well. 

I will post back with my progress throughout the next several months.  I know from personal experience, seeing or reading how other are doing or have done can give you that little extra push in the right direction! 

Here we go!

Friday, December 23, 2011

Our Miscarriage

The past week has been quite an experience for both James and I.  I am taking my time to write this in hope that it may help others find some comfort when going through the same hardships as we have.  I personally found a bit of comfort in hearing from others about their experiences as well.  It makes you feel less alone when facing something as difficult as a miscarriage.


A week ago, on December 15th I had a regular scheduled doctor appointment to check on the progress of our baby.  James met me at the doctor's office.  We were happy and excited because we were anticipating hearing the heartbeat.  James joked with me and said that he was going to make our doctor guess what the gender of the baby was based on the heartbeat.

The doctor came in and began trying to find the heartbeat.  She told us that sometimes you can't hear it due to the baby's position and such and said that it wasn't uncommon.  She tried for a minute or two with no luck.  She then decided that she would do an ultrasound to check the baby.  At our first appointment we were able to see the little heart beat so we figured it'd be the same sort of thing.  James stood behind the doctor as she was looking.  The computer was faced away from me so I couldn't see what they were seeing.  James had a look of confusion on his face.  The doctor then told us that she couldn't find the heartbeat because the baby didn't have a heartbeat.  According to the size, it appeared that the baby had died around 9 1/2 weeks.  The heart had stopped beating and growth had stopped at that point.

I had that horrible sinking feeling through my entire body when this news was presented to us.  I was numb for a minute, maybe shocked.  The doctor told us she'd give us a minute and then she'd discuss our options from here.  As soon as she left the room I burst into tears.  James held me and we cried together.  That was the moment that I knew how much I really did have a connection with the baby growing inside of me, whether I knew it before or not.

When the doctor came back in, I was still sobbing and could barely pay attention to what she was telling us.  She told us that we have 3 options.  The first was to let my body take care of everything on it's own, without any help.  This could take weeks and with me being at 12 weeks at the appointment and the baby already being dead for approximately 2 1/2 weeks, I was at greater risk for infection.  The second option was to be given pills that would force my body to start the miscarriage process.  She told us that the cramping could be painful and the bleeding would be bad.  The third and final option was to have a surgical procedure done, a D&C (which I later found out stands for dilation and curettage).  She explained that they'd go in and dilate my cervix and then use suction to remove all of the remaining tissues.  All of this is done while under general anesthesia.  She told us that she'd recommend the D&C.  There was less risk of infection and said that if we did the pills and they didn't clear everything out, we'd still end up having to do the D&C.

Now to make the decision.  I asked James what he thought.  He wasn't sure.  He told me that he honestly didn't hear a thing that the doctor had said.  He was in such shock still.  I trust my doctor and decided to do the surgery.  They could get me in the next day and told me that the hospital would call me later to let me know when to be there.

In the mean time, passing the news onto family was difficult.  There were a lot of tears and undeniable emotions.  If I could have had it my way, I probably wouldn't have said anything to anyone.  Probably not healthy, but talking about it in the moment was hard for me.  My 3 year old niece was so sad to hear that the baby didn't have a heartbeat.  She understood everything that was happening.  Smart little stinker.  She cried genuine tears with me.  It touched me to know that she cared so much.

Later Thursday evening the hospital called and told me to be there the following day at 12:30.  I couldn't have any food after midnight and nothing to drink after 7:00AM.  I woke up Friday morning and surprisingly felt OK.  Maybe just more numb than anything though.  James and I drove to the hospital in almost complete silence.  When we arrived, I check in and was told to wait at registration to go over my insurance and such.  We were called back and I was in for a huge surprise.  The woman that was going over everything with us was a bit cold.  One of the first things she asked me was "Are you pregnant?"  I almost immediately burst out crying.  She then told us that we needed to pay $1,300.00 right now for the surgery.  The $1,300.00 was what remained of my deductible that needed to be met.

We were in shock by this as the doctor told us that this would be something covered by insurance.  By her saying that, James and I both thought that we wouldn't have to pay this much out of pocket.  The woman assisting us called their finance department and had me talk directly to them.  The woman I spoke to explained to me that this procedure would cost $7,000.00!!  If that were the case, our responsible portion would be about $2,500!  Oh, and this is just the facility fees.  This doesn't include any fees from the doctor.  When all said and done, the surgical procedure would end up costing us just as much, if not more than it would to have a healthy baby. 

We felt this to be a slap in the face after all that we had been dealt in the past day.  We decided against the surgery and figured I'd talk to my doctor about doing the pills instead.  We left and I think I cried nearly the entire 20 minutes home.  I didn't (and still can't) understand why it would cost so much more to have something medically necessary done as opposed to have a healthy baby by choice.  I felt like I was being punished for something that I had no control over.  It was like pouring salt on an open wound.  I would have to deal with the loss of my baby and then still have to pay all sorts of money to have nothing in return but grief and pain.  When you have a baby and pay the charges, you at least have a squishy, cuddly little person smiling at you.

Later that afternoon, my doctor's assistant called me to figure out what we wanted to do from here.  She explained to me how the pills work.  They are inserted vaginally and cause the cervix to dilate and the uterus to contract to expel the tissues.  This is what I opted to do.  I scheduled my appointment for Monday and tried to enjoy my weekend.

I found that if I kept busy, that helped keep my mind off of things.  When I was just sitting with nothing to do, my eyes would well up with tears.  Even James just hugging me would make me start to cry.  On the bright side, I was able to get all of my Christmas shopping and wrapping totally complete.

Monday came around and again, James met me at the doctor's office.  The doctor came in and answered the millions of questions we had.  I was told what to expect, cramping and bleeding of course.  If the bleeding was consistently bad for more than four hours, then I'd have to go to the ER and have an emergency D&C done.  We kept our fingers crossed that wouldn't happen.  She then inserted 4 pills vaginally and gave me a prescription for Ibuprofen 800's.  I was also given a lab slip to go have blood drawn to check my HCG levels.  I have to continue getting my HCG levels checked until they are back to normal.  I feel like a human pin cushion these days.

The waiting game then began.  I had read that it could take up to 4 hours for the pills to start working.  About 2 hours after the pills were given to me, I started feeling some cramping.  Nothing too bad but I kept up on the Ibuprofen just in case they got unbearable.   I didn't start bleeding until about 11:00 that night, so about 7 hours after the pills were given.  I had the weirdest sort of feeling ever when it all started.  I literally felt my insides starting to move and in a hurry.  There was no stopping it or even time to get from a laying position to a sitting position.

The first hour or so I was in bathroom maybe every 15 minutes.  From here until the morning I was up and down about every 2 hours.  I passed a few larger clots, the first or second I thought was probably the baby and sack.  From there it was just smaller clots.  The bleeding tapered off throughout the day.  I felt pretty good.

I went into the doctor again yesterday, Thursday, for a follow up appointment where I had another ultrasound to see what, if anything was still left in my uterus.  The doctor did an exam and found some tissue stuck at my cervix that she had to remove.  She then did the ultrasound.  The sack and the baby had definitely passed.  She told me there there were still some tissue in my uterus and said that I could let it come out on its own or I could get more pills.  I chose to have more pills.  My first experience with them wasn't bad and I just wanted to hurry everything along so I can get back to my normal self.  I also had more blood work done to check my HCG levels. 

It seemed that the pills worked a lot quicker this time.  Within about an hour I started cramping, heavily.  Within the next hour I was bleeding, heavily.  The cramps were so bad.  The Ibuprofen wasn't even phasing them.  I passed so many clots this time.  I was actually getting a bit worried that I was hemorrhaging.  After about 4 hours of very heavy bleeding and passing large clots, everything subsided.  I'm now back to minimal bleeding and very few, if any cramps.

I go back to the doctor on Tuesday again for a follow up appointment and to have more blood drawn.  I'm very hopeful that this will be the end of the physical side of this.  I'm so ready to get back to my normal self.

I have talked a lot about the physical and medical side of things here but I think it's always nice to hear about that side of things too.  I didn't know what to expect with anything when I was faced with this.  If you haven't noticed by now, I'm the type of person that likes to know what to expect so I know how I will or should be able to handle the situation. 

That being said, I know I haven't touched too much on the emotional side of things to I'll share my thoughts and feelings as well.

Dealing with a miscarriage has by far been more of an emotional challenge to me than anything else.  I feel emotionally stable one moment and the next I'm crying uncontrollably.  I don't know how to change that and I don't know that I can.  I'm sure that my hormones are all over the place right now too so that doesn't help.

I find myself somewhat bitter or maybe just jealous to those that are pregnant or who have recently had babies.  I get an overwhelming sense of sadness when I see pregnant women or babies.  It also makes me so sad to think that we don't get to hold our baby in our arms.  It makes me angry that there are so many people out there that don't want to have a baby or won't take care of their kids.  We wanted a baby.  We would take care of our kid.  And this is what we get?  It just doesn't seem fair. 

I feel so helpless.  I didn't realize that in such a short period of time I could become so attached to something that I've never touched or seen.  It's so surreal.  There's not really much anyone can say or do to make me feel better.  I have felt a lot of comfort from having so many friends and family by my side.  I'm especially grateful for everyone at my office though.  They have stepped up to help me and take that load off my shoulders for a few days while I've needed the time to heal, physically and emotionally.

Another thing that has brought comfort to both James and I has been the friends that have come to us and shared their similar stories.  You don't hear much about those who experience miscarriages.  At first we felt alone, that there was nobody around us that could relate.  It's yet another one of those things that people don't seem to want to talk about.  Why not share your story if it will help someone else get through a difficult time?  So here I am sharing our story.  I hope that our story can help bring comfort to someone else going through the same things we have recently gone through.

The good news in all of this, my doctor says that many women that have miscarriages go one to have a healthy pregnancy with their next try.  She said that we can try again after 2 cycles so maybe come March we'll be good to go again.  I'm trying to keep a positive outlook on everything and continue to smile.  Oddly enough, the day that we found out I had miscarried, we had my work Christmas party.  We had Chinese food and the fortune cookie I chose seemed to be so fitting.  It said "Remember three months from today.  Your star will be shinning brightly".  Three months from that day will be March 15th.  We will see what the next several months of our lives will bring.  We will one day have our very own little baby to hold and cuddle.

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Week 11: Concerns & Fun Things

I'm almost to the 2nd trimester now and hope that some more energy comes along with it.  This week has been probably the most difficult for me yet.  I have had nausea day and night every day this week.  To top that off, I'm so tired.  The nausea starts when I get up in the morning and continues on with me until I go to bed.  Eating will help but only eases the nausea for maybe an hour or so.  Still no puking though so I guess I really don't have much room to complain.  I know there are plenty of other women out there that would beg to switch me places.  :)

Other than that, still no other changes.  Some days I often forget that I'm even pregnant.  It's still hard to totally grasp the concept that there is something growing inside of me.  Probably more so for me than others just because I have felt pretty normal throughout these first few months (less the nausea this week).  I keep saying that "I don't feel pregnant".  Honestly, I don't really know how being pregnant SHOULD feel.  I think a lot of us get the idea that you get pregnant and you're puking and don't feel good.  Maybe this is how pregnancy feels to me!  If so, I think I totally lucked out.  It's been a walk in the park so far.

I do find myself thinking about the baby a lot, even though I don't really "feel" pregnant.  There are a lot of concerns.  Things like, is the baby going to be healthy?  Is the delivery going to go well?  Will we be able to provide of him/her like we want?  Will I be able to stay home with my little one?  If not, what about child care?  On the other hand, there are all of the fun things to think about.  What will the baby look like?  Will it be a boy or a girl?  What colors do we want to do the nursery in?  The list could go on and on for both sets of thoughts.

So next week is my second doctor's appointment.  I should be able to hear the little heart beat.  I can't wait for this part.  Seeing the heart beat at my first appointment was amazing.  I imagine to actually be able to hear the heartbeat will be something so special.  I had a moment earlier in the week where I thought how surreal this whole experience is.  My life is changing (for the better).  It's a huge change.  It's still somewhat difficult to wrap my head around.  I bet hearing the heartbeat will help make everything seem just that much more real.

The next big milestone will be finding out the sex of the baby!  We cannot wait for this, James probably more so than me.  I don't really have a huge preference on whether the baby is a boy or girl.  James most definitely wants a boy.  He's set on it being a boy actually.  I think him wanting a boy so badly kind of makes me want a boy too.  I'll be very happy either way though.

Thursday, December 1, 2011

Week 10: Thoughts

Here I am, already to week 10.  This week has been a bit rough and I've apparently been slacking at getting this post up.  I've been SOOOO tired and can't seem to get the restful sleep I need at night.  I think this could partly be my lovely fiance's fault, as he is a massively loud snorer!  Between my need to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night and his snoring, good sleep seems to be something I may never again become too familiar with.

Other than my not so restful sleep, there really isn't anything new to report for the week.  Instead of posting about changes and such (since I haven't experience anything to speak of), I decided that I will discuss some of my thought and feelings.

The one thing that seems to be on my mind constantly is child birth.  Yes, I've still got a long way to go, but there are different options and choices that each mother has when it come to child birth.  For me, it's between an epidural and going natural.  Most days I believe that I can do it without drugs.  I have read that it's a fulfilling experience for mom and you have a sense of great accomplishment.  Not only that, but I've read and heard that the recovery can be quicker and the baby is usually more alert after birth. 

Now, that being said, I don't know about the pain.  My sisters joke that I can't stand to have my hair brushed so how would I be able to make it through childbirth without drugs?  (Note: as a kid I HATED having my hair brushed.  I would whine and cry every time.  Apparently I have a sensitive head or something).  It'd be nice to not really have to deal with much pain but I often think that the sense of accomplishment and other perks of natural childbirth have won me over.

I'm sure this is going to be something that I toss back and forth the entire pregnancy.  It may even end up being something that I'll decide in the moment.    Who knows.  I've got several months before the baby comes so I'm sure I'll be doing more research and such before coming to my final decision.

Another thing that crosses my mind semi-frequently is the classes that the hospitals provide for parents.  My doctor told us that she thinks the classes are great, especially for first time parents.  I think it would be something that I could enjoy.  The problem I see, James has already said that he doesn't want to do the classes.  If I do them, I'd want his support and for him to be there with me.  I'm sure I could change his mind though.  I just don't know if they really are something beneficial to first time moms or not. 

I've heard people talk both ways of the classes.  Some say they're great, other say they didn't really make a big difference.  As the time gets closer, I will have to see how prepared I feel and see if I think the classes would be something that would come in handy for both James and I. 

I have found that there are so many thoughts that cross your mind when pregnant.  Maybe more so for me.  I'm very much so the type that like to have things planned out and know what to expect so I can handle the situation accordingly.  I have realized that I'm not going to be able to do that with all things anymore.  I'm going to have to just sit back and enjoy this ride.  This ride into motherhood.  

Monday, November 28, 2011

Week 9: Q&A

Ahhhh, nothing like a long weekend to enjoy Thanksgiving with my family.  Very much needed!  In turn, I am a few days behind on my regular weekly post so I'll jump right in.

I'm sure this blog post will be short and sweet since I feel like there hasn't really been anything really new happening this past week.  :)

I'm still fighting nausea but no actual puking.  I find my self very tired still but I somehow manage to push through the day.  After our Thanksgiving feast, I managed to put up our Christmas tree and decorate it.  How's that for pushing through being tired?  Ha!

Other than that, I'm just the same old me.  I really want to start taking belly pictures so I can physically see the changes.  I don't notice them because I'm obviously with myself at all times.  I think this week will be the week that I start.  I just need to do it now!

So my best friend, Katie, was asking me some questions the other day so I thought I'd address them here as well.  I'm sure there are others out there are wondering the same types of things.  Here we go!

Q: Can you notice a physical change with your body?
A: Not really.  I have yet to really gain any weight even.  Just the normal fluctuating of weight.  Since Thanksgiving I have somehow actually dropped 2 pounds.  My pants that fit somewhat snug before seem to be getting a little tighter but not uncomfortable yet.  At my doctor's appointment, my doc told me that my uterus is enlarged but I just don't notice that yet.  Cramping has stopped though.

Q: Have you been eating better and/or working out?  Can you work out while prego?
A: I haven't really been eating any different than I was before.  The feeling of wanting to eat a horse has subsided.  I know when I'm full now and can stop before I feel crappy.  As far as working out, I personally haven't been working out.  I know I probably should get into a routine though.  I read through all of the paperwork the doctor sent home with me.  One of the pamphlets went into what you can or can't do while pregnant.  For the most part, it's supposed to be low impact stuff.  You aren't supposed to accelerate your heart rate more than 150 bpm, or something like that (Don't quote me on this.  I'm just going off of what I can remember reading, not quoting anything directly).  I do remember seeing something in there about those who were physically active beforehand.  Most can keep up their running routines and such.  It's always best to talk to your doctor before doing so though.

Q: Did you know you were pregnant before taking the test?
A: I did not know that I was pregnant before taking the test.  For some reason though, I felt the need to take the test the day my period was supposed to start.  I would normally have waited a couple days after my missed period to take it.  Maybe it was intuition.  :)  I peed on the stick though and set it down.  I started getting ready and glanced over at it and thought "I swear I'm never going to get pregnant".  At the next glance over I noticed the faint line saying I was pregnant.  The rest is history!

These are just a few things I've been asked.  I'm sure there are plenty of other questions out there.  If anyone has any questions, I'd be happy to answer them!  Ask away!  I want my experience to be able to help others in their journey too. :)

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Week 8: Doctor's visit #1

Onto week 8, month 2!  The baby is now the size of a raspberry or kidney bean.  We are nearing the end of the first trimester! Wow! That's crazy to think. I realize that there are still 4 more weeks before that but those weeks creep up on you in a hurry. Before I know it, this little fella or gal will be here!

Anyhow, today was my first visit to the doctor to check things out. Exciting. I was looking forward to it all week.  As the time to go got closer, I was a bit more nervous than I thought.  Things went well though.  Got a flu shot.  Had 5 vials of blood drawn.  The best part, we got to see the baby.  This early in a pregnancy, they do an internal ultrasound.  They take this long, stick like thing and insert it through the vagina, into the uterus.  Don't worry, it's not bad at all and doesn't hurt.  I say long too, but they don't insert much of the stick thing either.  We saw the baby's heart beating at an incredible rate.  We didn't hear it yet but you could definitely see that the heart was beating away.  Totally cool.  James is already wanting to know when we can find out the sex of the baby.  We still have a ways to go there!

As far as any changes in how I'm feeling... nothing too different, other than more frequent trips to the bathroom (I'll touch more on that in a minute). Still have acne. Still get nauseous from time to time. Nothing that isn't manageable though.  I have noticed that my two tender ladies aren't quite as tender anymore.  They are feeling somewhat normal again.  WOOHOO!  I have been told that it only gets worse when your milk comes in though.  I dread that day. 

About my excessive need to pee all of the time.  I have always seemed to have a small bladder and had spent a good amount of time in the restroom.  Yeah, that was nothing compared to this.  I wake up at least once a night, sometimes two.  The mornings seem to be the worst.  After breakfast I'll take a potty break and then, no joke, not even 10 minutes later I seem to have a full bladder!  The other day I was in the bathroom 4 times all within an hour.  I guess tinkling is better than spending my time in the bathroom puking my brains out!  I'll take this over that!  I must say, I'm doomed when the baby is big enough to be putting pressure on my tiny bladder though.   

I have noticed that some of the muscles in my stomach seemed to be getting a bit tight from time to time. I noticed this as I went to roll over in bed the other night.  It has made me realize that my nights of belly sleeping will probably soon be coming to an end. I probably sleep on my belly 90% of the night. I'm hoping that I'll be able to find a new favorite sleep position when the time comes.  Maybe a body pillow will come in handy.

All in all, this week has been a good week.  I'm more excited today than I was when I found out.  Like I've said before, I have KNOWN that I was pregnant, just never really FELT it.  I know there are symptoms that I've nagged about but still.  Maybe it's just me.  Seeing the baby today was the official confirmation for me though.  I AM PREGNANT!  I am going to be a mom.  And so my journey continues onward.  :)

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Pregnancy: Week 7

Yep, already to week 7. My baby is already the size of a blueberry. Still so tiny but growing rapidly. Hands and feet are beginning to form. At the rate these weeks are going by, I'll have my very own baby in my arms before I know it! It's still a bit surreal but as the weeks pass, I feel more and more excited and like this is finally something so real.

I'm a few days late getting this posted. I have been struck with an awful cold. It's miserable because there aren't any good drugs I can take. Lots of fluid and a neti pot have become somewhat helpful I guess. A friend of mine recommended a vitamin C drink that actually tastes really good and is great on cold days, such as today. You simmer for 20 minutes (in a very large pot) 5 quarts of water, 5 oranges, 5 lemons, juiced, 2 cinnamon sticks, 1 tsp cloves, and 2 cups of sugar. Maybe it's in my head but as I drink it, I feel a bit better. Anyhow, onto day 5 of the cold. I'm hoping it passes soon.

So anyway, what is new this week? Well, I have been introduced to nausea. There's a pattern to it, for the most part. I feel fine in the morning but as noon starts to approach, my stomach gets nauseous. I have found that eating a small snack between meals helps that though. I had the nauseous feeling come on this morning before I was able to eat breakfast though. As soon as I ate, it went away. Yay for food! LOL.

I have also noticed that the smell of chicken is becoming repulsive to me. Raw and while cooking. I can still eat it but getting the point of ready to eat is not my favorite part. That's probably the only thing so far that has made me sick to my stomach. Still no puking. HOORAY! Maybe I'll be lucky enough to skip that part?? I sure hope so!

My boobs are still tender as can be. I can't wait for this part to pass... it does pass, right? I have also started to notice that they seem HUGE. Maybe just to me, but I swear they are giant right now. I've discovered that wearing a sports bra is my favorite thing. It will hold the girls tight and where they belong. Feels wonderful! Ha! I never thought that I'd be so happy about the way my bra works.

I don't think I've experience any mood swings yet. Maybe that would be a question to ask James though! I'm feeling pretty normal still. I do notice that I am becoming excessively tired though. Take this morning, for instance. I got up and felt soooo tired. I had to force myself to get ready. As I sat at work for the first hour I could have easily fallen asleep in my chair, no questions asked. I'm also to the point of wanting to go to bed at 9:00 at night when I normally don't make it to bed until 11:00 or so. Growing a baby is draining!

Next week is my first doctor appointment and I must say, I'm totally looking forward to it. I have never before looked forward to an appointment with my gyno before now! Crazy what how something so tiny can already change your opinions of things. James has agreed to go with me. We will get to look at our little baby and we'll get to hear the heart beat. I KNOW I'm pregnant but like I said before, it's all so surreal. I think this will be what completely confirms things for me. Such an exciting thing to look forward to!

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Pregnancy: Week 6

As I have been thinking throughout the past week about any new or exciting symptoms I've experience, I realized that I left out one thing from my last blog. So let me start with that: breast tenderness. Yes, they are as sore as sore can possibly get! With as sore as mine are, I don't know how I possible forgot to mention this last week! Walking up and down stairs is painful, especially when going bra-less. I swear, when my fiance even looks at them, I can feel the pain. After (or even shortly before) you find out you're pregnant, they become sore to the touch in a hurry. Possibly worse than any sore boob you've ever had. Pre-period tenderness has nothing on this! Good luck ladies! It's MAY be my least favorite thing so far.

My comment about boob tenderness possibly being my least favorite thing brings me to the next thing... ACNE!!! Acne is like a curse word in my books and comes to a close 1st place with the breast tenderness. It's awful and makes you miserable. My hormones are apparently raging and in turn has decided to rear it's ugly head in the form of acne. Not only is this acne on my face, but also my back and chest. These aren't just your normal, everyday zits I'm talking about. They are those deep, under the skin, hurtful kind. I swear there's nothing I can do to keep it at bay either. I have gotten into a really good ritual of washing my face morning and night. I limit my use of moisturizers to try to prevent any added aggravation to those nasty bumps that are already there. One of these days I am determined to find a good solution. If anyone has suggestions, I will gladly take them!

Since not everything about pregnancy is bad, I will share some crazy (and by crazy I really mean things that are actually kind of fun) things too. One new thing that I do find rather entertaining is the dreams. I've always heard that pregnant women have a tendency to have more vivid dreams but never thought that I'd notice much of a change. I have always had some crazy and fairly vivid dreams. The other night was probably the first of what I'm sure will be, many more crazy dreams to come. I remember specific details of the dream, colors and expressions on people's faces. I honestly just have to laugh about it. It almost make me excited to see what tonight will bring.

Another thing is the cravings. I personally haven't had any specific food cravings yet. I just find myself being SOOO hungry. I feel like I could eat a huge plate of food and then go back for seconds. This is only in my head it seems. I have the problem: MY EYES ARE BIGGER THAN MY BELLY. I and guilty. I have definitely filled my plate full and ate nearly (if not all) of it. The problem I have found with this is that I am overly full and just miserable. I get the instant feeling of wanting to make puke just to make myself feel better. I am getting better with this and have learned to eat only my normal portion size. Snacks here and there tend to help with the "I'm so hungry I could eat a horse" issue. I am very curious to see if I do end up having any specific food cravings though.

I feel as if I've mostly complained and made my first few weeks of pregnancy seem to be horrible. It's really not bad. I have still been feeling great. Still no morning sickness (although my belly seems to be getting a bit queasy at times) and I have yet to feel more tired than usual. It's exciting to think that there's something so tiny growing inside of me and that I'm solely responsible for nurturing it. It's fun to follow the pregnancy trackers and see the progress that the baby is making week to week. That gives me something to look forward to. There's still so much more to come!

Thursday, October 27, 2011

Pregnancy: Week 5

Here's the scoop... I recently found out that I'm expecting! Hooray, right? Well yes, it's great news and I'm very excited! As any other first time mother, I have found myself researching about everything to do with pregnancy. The thing is, most of the things I've found seem to be a bit sugar coated. I want the blunt and honest truths about everything to do with pregnancy. I can't find much of that so I've decided to blog about my personal experiences throughout my journey into motherhood.

So here we go! As of today, October 27th, I am 5 weeks pregnant. I honestly haven't felt a single physical change within myself yet. I don't feel tired. I don't have any bouts of morning sickness (yet). I'm able to go about my day as if there weren't anything going on inside of me. I feel just as I did a month ago.

I will share that I have had cramps. Probably less painful than regular period cramps though. I have talked to my sister (who is due to have her first baby in December) and she says it's perfectly normal. Another thing I have noticed is an increase in discharge. Nothing gross or weird, I promise. Clear and normal discharge. From what I have read, this, too, is perfectly normal. Your body is prepping for baby and your mucus plug is forming.

One big change I have noticed would be mentally and emotionally. This pregnancy is a planned pregnancy. It's what we wanted and I had plenty of time to think about it before actually conceiving. After I took the pregnancy test that showed a positive result I was very happy. After sharing the news with my fiance and then with our parents, an unexplainable overwhelming feeling came over me. This is REALLY happening now. There is no turning back or changing our minds. I have always known that I want to be a mother but that didn't change the second guessing I was doing. Don't worry. The feel has passed and I'm feeling great about our decision, yet again. :)

I must say though, I thought after finding out that I was pregnant, there would be some sort of instant connection with the little life growing inside of me. I feel bad saying it, but I don't feel that yet. It makes me worry that I will be somewhat distant with my child as he/she grows inside of me. Maybe that will change once I get to hear the little heart beating, I don't know. Don't get me wrong, I KNOW I have the capacity to love this little baby and I will love it with all my heart. Maybe it's just that being pregnant is all still so surreal to me. Only time will tell.

That's about all I have to report for now so until next week... ENJOY!